28th Year Wrapped!

It’s February, which means it’s time for all the cold (BOOO) but it also means that I am about to enter into my last year of my 20’s…how on earth is that possible? I honestly still feel 12 sometimes, although my little grey hairs absolutely say otherwise. Haha!!

As they say, time flies when you’re having fun, right?  

When I think about the past 28 years, blessed and grateful for the first two words that come to mind, followed closely by growth and purification.

With every year has come more space to learn about who God has created me to be and the opportunity to live into that. This year has challenged and called me out and on in more ways that I could write here or more than anyone would care to read about. 

So, instead I am going to share some of my reflections from this past year. Like most, it was a balanced year of really good and fun things, but also some hard and less than desirable things. 

Year 28!

Celebrated 3 weddings, pray for Hannah & Adam, Kelsey & Andrew, Olivia & Ryker

A trip to Louisiana for Mardi Gras and visiting friends!

6 Trips to visit my grandparents/ family in Ohio + an Ohio girls trip with my mom and sister!!

1 Golf tournament family reunion in Cincinnati

1 Amazing week at Ocean Isle Beach with my whole family and the Miller’s!

1 Summer road trip to Alabama and Louisiana 

2 Trips to San Diego- 1. For my birthday with Sylvia 2. For a momcation/ retirement celebration!

1 Move

Got to run on the PCH multiple times. Yayy and ouch!

Visited Delaware!

Crossed what I thought was Harpers Ferry ‘bridge’ and a 24 hour Harry Potter movie marathon off my bucket list with Eliz!

Experienced THE best cup of coffee in the world in San Diego! BOUND! 11/10 recommend!

Went to the best gluten free bakery in San Diego!

Still, and forever missing Krispy Kreme donuts!!

Had MANY Sunday family dinners!

Grieved two men I loved dying. My dear Godfather from Parkinson’s and one of my sweetest Peruvian friends from appendicitis. 

Continued the processing of being called away from the mission field & learning what the Lord desires it to look like right here!

Your homeland is hard! 

Still trying to be patient with the lord in what my Vocation will look like

LOTS of opportunity to grow in humility and relationships with other people!

Made new friends!

Journeyed with some former and current missionaries through healing and spiritual abuse.

Monthly Lymphatic drainage massages to keep my body happy! Thanks Toni!

Focused on boundaries as an office, what a time it has been!!

Supported Arlene in fundraising and being a dancing queen with DWTS of the Burg

Grew my favorite flower, Snap Dragons in the office 

Dressed up as royalty with Arlene and Teresa

Witnessed many children receive their sacraments after preparing hard for them!

Showered Madison and her sweet baby to be!

Natalie visited multiple times, which is always a JOY!

MANY pool days at Mom and Dads

Camryn Jane was born!

Saw Wicked and Rent

Had a Sprinkle shower for Victoria and baby H.

Rejoiced in a dear friend’s ordination to the priesthood! Woohoo Father Armando!!

Had many phone/ video dates with my friends all over the country and world

Celebrated Father Joe’s 10 year anniversary to the priesthood!

Mom retired from many years of service at the church, so much to celebrate!

Saw beautiful Christmas lights with the Millers

Had the entire family together for Christmas with SO much quality time! 

To end this year I felt called to go on a Healing Retreat. And, God is so good in bringing about healing through it and the promise for deeper healing as time goes on. We are all wounded and broken people, but we are not defined by it!! Our God is one of mercy and compassion. He desires to redeem the hard things about our lives and hearts. We were created IN love and FOR love!! Feeling all the feels in wanting everyone to find FREEDOM in God’s goodness and to not feel bound by what has happened to you and trusting that we can be redeemed, no matter what we have done!! He loves us, and as Sister Miriam said “He doesn’t want us to just manage well!”

I am desiring to enter into this next year of life with the grace and ability to love and care more deeply than any year past. Love and prayers to each and every one of you! Please be praying for me, and let me know how I can be praying for you and offering up all this next year has to come for you and your needs/ desires. God bless you!!

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Too much.

You are NOT too much.

Your care is not a negative part of you.

Your BIG heart is BEAUTIFUL.

The way you care for others is a GIFT.

Feeling your feels is not a weakness.

It is okay to cry.

Being you is NOT a bad thing.

He created you, through and for LOVE.

Your sensitivity will touch more people than you will EVER know or realize.

Smiling is such a BIG thing. 

They might not understand, but they don’t have to. 

You don’t have to carry it all.

Seek first, HIS love, and it will all make sense. 

Be YOU.

You are GOOD.

You are PRECIOUS.

You are LOVED.

You are NOT too much.

As someone who has been told most of my life that I am too sensitive or feel too much, these things can be hard to read and actually believe. But those things just simply aren’t true…I do feel a lot, and I am sensitive but that’s what makes me, ME! 

God created me to be a deep feeler, someone that cries at the smallest things, and desires to really see people for who and how they are. I can know this, and it still is incredibly challenging to live into when I have felt these were the worst parts of me for so long. Which has caused me to really question who God has called me to BE. When, in reality, it is simple. ME! He wants me to be ME, full feeler and lover and carer of others and sometimes the silliest of things. That means to not apologize for being myself or holding back how I feel in fear of it offending someone or being ‘too much’. 

So to all my fellow feelers, you are not alone. I feel the pain and the trial that comes with just feeling and all it encompasses. Lets normalize encouraging each other to BE ourselves and see where that brings our world. 

Jesus, I trust in YOU! 

Picture Perfect. LOL.

As I sit, quarantined, having nothing but time, I have been reflecting on my family. I feel like I am on this ferris wheel that goes round and round with memories, conversations, fights, tears and many stories. All are so priceless to me!

If you took a poll of who would struggle the most with being alone during quarantine in my family who would it be? I can almost guarantee that it would unanimously be me. It’s fitting then that I sit trying to pretend my family is with me…making me laugh or cry or sharing something special about their lives. 

In 1995 a movie came out titled “Picture Perfect”. It was about two families pretending to be one happy family to win a contest. Why did I love this movie so much? Not because of them breaking the rules and trying to cheat the system to win a prize, but because in the end, the two families become one when the parents marry each other. They fight, argue, and bicker throughout the entire movie. I think this is another reason I loved the movie so much. It was so incredibly relatable by the real life chaos that was taking place, at the same time as the love, support, and care. 

Family looks different for everyone!! But one thing I have learned over the years is that no matter what family looks like for you it usually has its ups and downs. Maybe I should just speak for myself and say that my beautiful and crazy family has had our ups and downs, twists and turns…and I wouldn’t trade a single one because they have brought us closer together and we’ve made it to the other side ready for whatever comes next. 

Are we all the same? HA! Absolutely not! We all look similar and do have some overlap in our personalities but I would say we all have our own “things”. Thank you Jesus for diversity! I have to remind myself of this when we don’t all see eye to eye or get mad at someone for not being as sensitive as another or just the natural pushing of buttons that happen when you are different people. Learning how to love each of my family members in the way they need it is something I will forever be working on. 

Isn’t that how love works? It isn’t just a one time, mark it off the list kind of moment in a family. It is showing up, having the hard conversations, and forgiving…time and time again. It’s messy…painful…purifying…and yet something I cannot even imagine my life without. 

Sometimes I take my family for granted, as I feel we all do with things or people we care about. I see pictures of people on their perfect family vacations and think “gosh my family could never look like that, why isn’t my family as perfect as them?”. But I am then reminded that perfect doesn’t exist and honestly if it did I would probably dislike it because it would be boring and there would be no room for growth. I am blessed that God chose the people in my life that I get to call family to be where they are to help me grow and learn how to love better everyday. Family can be humbling in this life. But, at the end of the day I know they have my back…even if they don’t understand what I am talking about or want to have dance parties or talk about their feelings. 

Moral of the story for today is that family is a space to practice love. To grow and learn how to live into the struggles and joys with people that care about you. You might want to fight them sometimes…maybe you do, but they are also a place to find love and support. Love your family a little harder today, forgive someone that has wronged you, or simply call to just check in on someone, as you never know how long or short you might have with them. 

I am smiling a little wider today thinking about the gift of mine and the gift of each of yours…whether they are biological, adopted, those friends that are truly family, or however family looks for you. 

Our door is always open to anyone looking for more family. Come on over, the more the merrier!!!

Cherish them. Be patient with one another. Forgive. Laugh often. Love hard. 

For my family members, here’s a little intake to why I love you so… I  am sure it will come as a shock because I NEVER say or share my feelings.

Dad, I am thankful for your love for family, your hard work, incredible sacrifices, sense of humor and selfless love towards mom as well as all of us. You set the bar high!!  (;

Mom, I am thankful for your faith, your sacrifices, your witness in being a good friend, helping anyone you possibly can, and for sharing your love for the beach!!!!

Cory, I am thankful for you being my older brother, someone to learn from, for being passionate about what you love and sharing that with those you encounter. For caring about your family and being the quickest at completing the Christmas shopping!

Zack, I am thankful for your patient spirit, your heart to love and serve with every ounce of yourself. You are such a determined person, not willing to ever throw in the towel. You love your family well. And I am thankful for your endless love for oreos. 

Natalie, I am thankful for your spunk and smarts. You are so intelligent and driven to succeed no matter what task is at hand. I love how much you love animals and caring for others in research. Thanks for always letting me snuggle you! 

Joe, I am thankful for your strength and wisdom. You know so much and share it so well. You have such a funny sense of humor and huge love for Jesus. I am baffled at how many of the jeopardy questions you can answer correctly. 

Victoria, I am thankful for your determination and ability to hold your own. You jumped right into this crazy bunch and it feels like it’s never been any other way. You are so hard working and able to juggle so much at once. I love our coffee dates!

Thaddeus, I am thankful for the joy and childlike faith you bring into all of our lives. You are such a ball of laughter and spunk. I love your love for praying before we eat! 

Five real…Dad…thanks for your sense of humor…without it none of us would be here…isn’t that right mom? 

I love you people!

Speak.

“The word of the LORD came to me: Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you. “Ah, Lord God!” I said, “I do not know how to speak. I am too young!” But the Lord answered me, Do not say, “I am too young.” To whomever I send you, you shall go; whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you -oracle of the Lord.” Jeremiah 1: 4-8

Don’t you love when the Lord is clearly trying to share something with you so He finds ways to repeat and repeat so we have to see and hear Him? Through many different avenues this scripture has popped up for me this week and caused for a great deal of reflection.

It always warms my heart with His incredible intention. But, the other side of that can be hard..where the faith part comes out and trust has to take over. Where I can’t fully understand all the whys or whats that are trickled into the words He is so clearly speaking and what it might mean He wants to happen. A whole bunch of vulnerability and insecurity are tied up in stepping out and trusting in what He is inviting us into.

Knowing you are doing the lord’s will is something I feel many of us probably struggle with. Whether it be due to comparing ourselves to where others are or comparing where we are now to where we have been in the past. There is always this hint of doubt that creeps in and causes things to become a bit blurry.

So I am going to share a little and see how it goes. 

Personally, I feel like a professional at giving the “I am too young, too uneducated, too emotional” type of excuses for things that God has made clear He is calling me to. Why? Because I am human, I struggle with my pride and vulnerability is HAAARD. 

Thanks Jesus for being patient with me! 

But, over the past 5 years a different excuse has come in and sometimes overshadows the rest of them. I am too sick, too broken, too damaged to do whatever it is that you are calling me to. Talking about sickness or physical limitations is one of my least favorite topics. Wooohoooo vulnerability here we come.  But today, I feel it is where God is saying, “ Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you.” 

I am in a hard season with my health. A time for growth, uncertainty and trust in the lord. We all have our crosses, sicknesses, and struggles. Celiac disease is a cross of mine…something most people just see as a gluten allergy, but the reality being, something that has changed almost every avenue of my daily life. It has invited many other food and digestive issues into my life as well as my social life, with our culture being totally centered around food as well as physical and mental flare ups along the way. I am not trying to outweigh one issue with another, just simply here to say I am not okay, and you don’t have to be either. God is still doing things, using you and asking you to receive His love REGARDLESS of whatever that cross might look like for you. 

Support is what I feel He is asking me to speak into and offer. To encourage anyone struggling…in any way with anything to know you are not alone and your worth is not made up of the struggles you are facing. It is okay to be sad, or feel sick or struggle to ask for help (my personal weak spot) or to simply say “hey…I don’t want to be alone, can you sit with me”. But also for those who might not be struggling during this season of their life…offer your support to those that are. Check in on your friend you haven’t heard from in a while or smile a little extra hard at the people you pass at the grocery store. That smile might just change the entire direction of someone’s day. 

What does support look like for you? Are you good at speaking into what you need? Are you good at supporting others? 

Isn’t it true that only through our brokenness and weakness that we can find healing, freedom and acceptance of the hard and challenging areas of our lives? I read something today that connected so much to this for me… Even Jesus needed help to carry the cross and he accepted it.  We have to accept the cross we have been given and invite others in. To not allow shame or fear of our pride to take over and control our lives. 

We cannot do this life alone, and while I have tried to do parts of it that way I am proven wrong time and time again. We need one another. To know we have people in our corners that truly care about us…on the good days but even more so on the bad. That we don’t have to hold it all together in order to be accepted. That we can see Jesus in those around us that love us and remember all the stories in the bible about His love for the lonely, sick, and struggling. 

Thank you to everyone that has supported and loved me!

You are GOOD.

You are WORTHY.

To be LOVED is to LOVE.

Unwordsable

Un-words-able: The lack of ability to find words to express a feeling.

Yes, I made this wonderful word up as I was trying to put into words a feeling so deeply felt in my heart that no word or words could encompass. Has this ever happened to y’all?

It’s crazy to me how our world feels like such a passive one sometimes, rather than passionate. Why is that? Are we afraid to live into our passions or not sure what they are or how to be vulnerable with them? I will raise my hand to all of the above.

I am a feeler. Those of you who have known me for most of my life know this isn’t a new quality I foster. Simple pleasures bring me to life. Saving worms, learning peoples names, seeing a dimpled smile, or someone remembering to put ice in my water.

For a lot of my life I have felt that this was a bad thing. Like I needed to feel less and hold back all the feelings and questions to not make people feel uncomfortable or to simply fit in. As I have gotten older and have learned more and more about myself and the person God has created me to be and what He desires for me to bring into this world I have come to love this part of myself. It is still hard to live into all the time or not over think or feel like I’ve hit a brick wall when I share feelings around something and they are then squashed in an instant.

Over time, having held back feelings has only hurt myself. It has caused me to clam up or stuff things away, when goodness, I haven’t wanted to. When I was in missions it felt easy to live so freely into anything that came about. Maybe it was the simplicity of life, or the lack of world pressure to fit in. It wasn’t competitive, it was free and authentic.

This is basically my apology to myself and to those I have encountered without living into the unwordsable parts of life with freedom, the hope to embrace this more and more moving forward, and to help encourage anyone else that has felt they cannot freely be or share in whatever context they feel called. To anyone having felt like ‘too much’ or unqualified, you are not alone and you can expect mega cheerleader status over here.

Our world seems so filled with unkind words, pessimism, and numbness. It can change, with each and everyone of us!! Don’t sell your gifts short of their power. We have each been called to live out certain qualities and the world can’t move about well without them. Maybe you are a strong leader, with a voice people happily listen to…use it! Don’t shy away because someone seems to have a louder voice than you do. Maybe you are super into books and learning all the hows and whys to things…use that! Share it, bring out all the goodness all of us have to foster!! I don’t want us to live in a society that is filled with robotic people all trying to be the same or feel the same or look the same.

Not. here. for. it.

Lets change our societies don’t mindset to a do and be free way of life. Lets stop living passively and start really living into our passions! Lets share those unwordsable moments. Whether they be great things and challenging things. Lets support one another and normalize all the things.

Here are a few pictures of things that have brought unwordsable feelings to my heart and life.

Birthday Reflections

Hi! It’s been a little minute since I wrote anything, and clearly even longer since I wrote on here. I have been talking about writing again for probably the last two years and always give into the fear of sharing what’s on my heart and how people will receive or perceive it. But, hello, so not from the Lord…so here we are.

My 27th birthday is next week. I cannot tell you the last time I felt this excited for a birthday. Perhaps it was when I was turning 10 and got to have a big sleepover with my best friends and sing Jessica Simpson on my karaoke machine. Although, I would still love to jam out and sing to some old Jessica Simpson tunes that is not why I am excited for my birthday.

When I was younger and thought about being 27…or basically almost 30…I had an idea of what my life would look like. I’d live in a simple home in a nice little neighborhood with my husband and our few children. I would stay home and bake all day and do laundry and play with my kids. It would be busy, but it would also be the absolute best. I would be living into my life’s dreams and desires of motherhood that I have had since I was able to hold a baby doll. Am I the only person that had dreams or ideas like these? It seems silly now to look back and think that my age is ‘old’ but I suppose that happens to most everyone at some point in time. You think 50 is old until you are 50, where you then think that 65 is old…until you’re 65 and so on.

As my life has carried on I realized this ‘dream’ that I had just wasn’t going to happen, or if it does it clearly wont be on my timeframe. On my birthday last year I felt defeated thinking about this reality that was so different then my expectations.

The Lord has used this year to help me see MY life. The life that I need to be claiming as my God given gift every single day and not taking it for granted or wishing it would begin when x, y, or z, happen. Getting to really know and understand and love yourself can be challenging, and is something I feel we will always be learning and growing in.

If you know me, then you know that being free and being grounded in your truths are two really important things to be fostered. I’d say its something I am rather passionate about but also have come to learn how challenging it can be to do.

I simply want anyone that is struggling right now, wherever you are in life, take a few minutes to just reflect on any blessing in your life. Any truth, or gift, or person that brings you joy or life. Any food, an activity or book you love to read. Write them down. State your truths and remind yourself on the hardest of hard days what they are. You would probably be surprised what might come up for you, but it is simply a way to hear yourself and see your heart and what makes it tick in the ways that you do. The work now, always bears fruit later!!!

So while I am not going to celebrate this birthday in the way my younger self thought I would I am going to turn 27 and be reminded and continue to reflect on some of my biggest joys, truths, and blessings. I am excited for my birthday because I have had almost 27 years to learn new things, meet new people, and see different places.

Here are some of the big 27 for me, I challenge you to do the same for however many years you are about to be celebrating in your beautiful life!!

1. Getting to grow deeper in love with God and the church with each passing day
2. Having the relationship that I do with my family and all the quality time we share together
3. The Holy Mass
4. My nephew
5. The gift of my job also being a ministry and getting to serve Him so freely in it
6. Running
7. The incredible, usually very weirdly created friendships in my life
8. The sunshine
9. Traveling, seeing the world and learning other cultures
10. Peru and all it fosters
11. The beach
12. Quality time and deep conversation with anyone
13. Baths
14. Squash and Zucchini
15. Riding in the car with the windows down
16. Dancing like a fool
17. Heated seats
18. Puzzles
19. Listening to peoples life stories
20. Asking many questions
21. Laughing
22. Baking
23. Painted nails
24. Breakfast
25. Water
26. Folding laundry
27. People

Out Pouring of Faithfulness

Disclaimer: My ability to write out my thoughts isn’t a strength of mine at all. I apologize beforehand for the rough attempt!

When I was a junior in high school an organization called Invisible Children came to my school. They shared with us about rebel groups in central Africa that were taking children and forcing them to become part of this group. They were creating armies to fight against their loved ones, poach wildlife, and do many other acts of violence. Invisible Children worked to free these children from the rebel groups and tried to prevent more children from being taken. As many probably were, I was brought to tears watching the videos and hearing the stories of what kids my age were going through.  I remember feeling a tug in my heart to help. And for the moment I did, I gave them money, bought a DVD, and signed up for a promotion they were doing where I received a t shirt. But with the DVD I purchased came two bracelets that Africans had made. They were very simple but were meant to be worn so we could be constantly thinking about those in Africa. I wore mine every single day. I loved it! But as time goes on those things wear off…or they did for me.

I shortly went back to my life filled with all things I found to be the most important, totally forgetting about those poor children in Africa, my age, having their whole lives filled upside down, or being murdered. I feel we do this a lot! It’s easy to feel for people for a moment but then once it’s really ‘out of sight’ it becomes very ‘out of mind’. What could I really do to help as a 16 year old? I thought nothing, so I spent my time with my friends, boyfriend and infused in social activities. But, man I was SO wrong! I could have been praying, sacrificing, saving money to donate or try and join the movement in a way that might physically help save innocent kids.  I find that even though my life didn’t reflect what God had done to my heart that day in high school He had truly done something great; something that is finally coming to light.

When I went to college I met this amazing person! She had been a missionary and was so joyful and happy all the time. I was jealous, I wanted her joy! She shared so much and I felt this tug again, something I hadn’t felt since that day in high school. I told her all about my five year plan with my boyfriend and all the dreams of big careers I had. But every time I shared with her I felt a little less sure that these were things God actually wanted for my life.  We had many nights where school seemed to be too much and we would joke about running away to a foreign land for vacation…a mission trip…and eventually to live a life of missions. I shared this with my boyfriend one evening and asked if there was a way we would be able to add taking a trip to Africa into our five year plan. He said it wasn’t something we needed to be worried with at that current moment, I took that answer but shortly after ending the phone call I felt a knot in my stomach. I felt convicted that we NEEDED to be open to going to Africa to serve the poor and he didn’t seem to be. I truly feel God used my baby desire to go to Africa as a wakeup call to my broken relationship and how Gods desire for me to possibly serve His children in Africa was more important than my boyfriend.

Almost two years past before I felt God call me to join Family Missions Company and become a foreign missionary. When I joined FMC I was so sad to find out they didn’t have any missionaries in Africa, but also knew it was where God wanted me to be regardless. In my first year of missions I asked God to take away the desire in my heart to serve His children in Africa because I felt it would cause me to be unable to love His children in Peru with my whole heart. God is so faithful! He took my desire away and helped me fall so in love with Peru and the people there that I never wanted to leave.  I felt God could never call me anywhere else. But yet again, I was so very wrong!  In June when I traveled to the Philippines for a short time I had put a hold on my discernment for the coming year. But it was there that God very boldly put AFRICA on my heart in prayer. It scared me! We still didn’t have missionaries in Africa so I knew He wasn’t asking me to start a post there. I am not a leader! I prayed about it for a while before actually sharing with our director. When I did share he was excited but also shared how much work it would take to start a mission post. I again thought there was no way God could be inviting me to do such a thing. I asked Him to silence my fears or redirect my discernment.

*Que silence*

He wanted me to go to Africa. Good news! But now…where did He want me…Africa is a pretty large continent. Rwanda, Uganda, or Tanzania was the three countries that God put on my heart during my discernment. I did two novenas discerning Uganda and felt no direction at the end. I begged God to make it clear if there was another country He desired me to discern. Two days following this prayer I went to a baptism and was introduced to a priest. We chatted a bit and I asked him to pray for my discernment. He began sharing about himself…he was from Tanzania and had lots of family still there. He wasn’t sure if we had missionaries in Africa but said if we ever felt called he had lots of contacts in Tanzania. ** answered prayer** I took this to prayer and share with our director the amazing story of meeting Father Milton. He was planning to take a trip to Tanzania in the months to come and wanted to bring information about FMC with him to give to priests and Bishops. In October I received a very joyful email from a priest in Tanzania. He was so excited and extended the invitation to go and serve the people of Arusha. We prayed and chatted and waited for God to line up all the things that needed to happen for this to be possible. I thought it would take at least six months to a year for things to fall into place. Man was I wrong!!! Within a month Joseph (one of the directors) contacted me sharing they felt one of the intakers (people going through formation) should be going to Tanzania with me THIS YEAR. I couldn’t believe this! It was happening so fast. I knew right then that God had such big things planned for me and for all of His children in Tanzania. But God wasn’t done yet, He wanted us to be a team of three and called another awesome girl to join the team. I am so beyond excited to be embarking on this crazy life and journey with Mary Clare and Megi my mission partners.

My mission partners Megi & Mary Clare

Gods plan and faithfulness in this being what He has next is so boldly in front of me. I feel that every corner I turn He is there to confirm it one more time. In June my Aunt and Uncle welcomed home a sweet girl, my cousin Dory. They had been in the process of adopting her for quite a while. She is from Tanzania, Arusha to be exact. How crazy…out of every place in the whole world that we are traveling to just happen to be the same place my sweet cousin is from.

My sweet cousin Dory

Another amazing encounter happened at our donors’ dinner we have every year. I was seated at a table with a couple that had been missionaries in Tanzania for three years. What a small world! It gets weirder…they lived in ARUSHA! To say that God has had this amazing plan planned out for a long time would be an understatement. I always am filled with so much joy and happiness in seeing how at work God really is. It always makes me question all the areas in my life that I might have missed out on these little blessings? To make these two things even weirder the couple that lived in Arusha were planning to adopt a little girl they had met there. God had other plans and they had to leave and return to the states. BUT that little girl found two loving parents and four amazing brothers to love her. She also happens to be my cousin. WHAT! How can God not be real?!? Only He could work wonders such as these.

It is easy for me to see now that so many years ago God had a plan and it is now coming full circle for me. Please pray for this new mission to Tanzania and for this team God has put together to go and serve His children.

October 9, 2016

Growing up I have been so very blessed with amazing parents who had amazing parents which gave me amazing grandparents. My dads parents are these cuties who met young, got married, started a cute little family and loved every second of it. 

My grandfather always showed his gigantic heart and love for his family. He had a heart of service and desire to make sure his family was happy. I cant count how many times I’ve heard “but are you REALLY happy?” His family values and love for his wife has done more then influence my life. He was never a big talker, but an amazing listener… always listening and alert to those around him. I loved going to visit my grandparents or their visit to us. He would tell my brothers and me stories every night as we prepared to go to bed. It was such a blessing to hear about his life, the fun, scary things he did growing up or stories that he would just let his imagination wander to make up. He could always be found in his golfing attire, either getting ready to head to the golf course or just returning. His smile was something contagious! He was constantly an example to me of what selfless love should look like. 

In leaving my family for missions there is a level of surrender and detachment you have to have. I knew in saying yes to following God in the way He called me meant sacrificing the people I cared about most. Every time I’ve said goodbye to my grandparents for the last two years I say it as if it’s the last time I would see them. 

I asked God when I started my formation to please provide people along the way to be my family. I have been beyond blessed by the lords response to this prayer.

When arriving to Peru last year we were so blessed by all the people in Buenos Aires but one couple really stuck out. They would see us down the street and ask us to stop by for a visit. That were so cute, how could we say no? In meeting Lilia and Wilfredo I instantly felt Gods faithfulness pouring out. They reminded me of my grandparents from the states. Their story, young love, children, the way they loved their family. It hit so close to home.
It was only a few weeks into visiting with them that we started to call them our abuelos (Grandparents). Wilfredo in particular reminded me of my grandfather, he was quiet, but always very attentive in his listening. He was a lover, and had an adorable little smile. He loved to get up and bust a move and laugh. He would tell stories of his past, all about his soccer days. He didn’t have golf clothes but he was all about his watches. Always had one on, even if it didn’t work. I can’t express how much this relationship blessed me, especially when I would become home sick.

In leaving Peru it was hard to leave Lilia and Wilfredo in particular. They were older, with declining health. But trusting in the lord I said goodbye to them, just as I did with my grandparents… as if I may never see them again. 

On October 9, 2016 God did something that I feel blessed I was able to experience but wouldn’t ever wish it upon anyone. 

Mid September I felt the lord urgently calling me to return to Peru after an extend time period of being in the states. I felt peace about it, bought my plane ticket and began packing my bags. I had received word from one of the missionaries in Peru that Wilfredo was very sick, needed surgery and nobody knew how long he had to live. I tried to be at peace with Gods timing but selfishly begged if it was Gods will for me to be able to see him before he passed away. 

Five days before I was to leave I got a phone call from my mom that my grandfather had fallen, was in the hospital but not to freak out. Don’t freak out? I’m about to get on an airplane with a one way to ticket to another country and my grandfather is lying in a hospital bed potentially dying…?  

I went to the chapel and cried before our lord. I asked Him what I was to do… should I go to Peru or stay here if my grandfather may die. He gave me a peace to be obedient to him and continue with where I was going. Peru it was! I really left the country with thoughts I may never see my grandfather again, I may never get to hug him or tell him I love him. But God gave me a peace, something I can’t even explain, something so strong that I couldn’t be anything but okay with this hard moment because I knew it was from God. 

Shortly after arriving to Peru my grandfather here was discharged from the hospital and sent home to die. The day after my grandfather in the states was sent to hospice to be made comfortable. I began praying that God would take both of them on the same day so that they wouldn’t have to be alone. I also knew it was the only way they would ever meet, my grandfather would have ever gotten on an airplane much less traveled to a third world country. I knew my prayer was nearly impossible.. how could they die on the same day?

For a 5 days I traveled to see Wilfredo. Sometimes he knew who Andrea and I were, other days he had no idea where he was. On October 8 I face timed with my mom who was with my grandfather in the states who at this point was non responsive, comfortable, just waiting for his time to go. She put the phone up to my grandfather and I said goodbye to him. I told him to look for Wilfredo and to be friends with him, to love him, and to teach him all about golf. Later that night Andrea and I felt we had to get to Buenos Aires to see Wilfredo. It was very very late but God provided (another story for another time). He looked like my grandfather who I, just a few hours before said goodbye to. He was non responsive, cold, and had trouble breathing. We said goodbye, prayed, kissed him, and left. I also told him to look for my grandfather, to befriend him, love him and teach him all about the ways of the Peruvians. 

The following morning Andrea woke me up, saying we needed to leave… Wilfredo had died at 2:30am. We got dressed quickly, caught a ride and went to grieve with out Peruvian family. After a few hours, I started feeling that I needed to be close to my phone, I thought my grandfather in the states was about to die too. I came home to try and take a nap to no avail. I checked my phone and saw I had a missed call from my mom. I think part of me knew he had died but there was another part of me that couldn’t imagine both of them dying on the same day. I had prayed for it but I didn’t think it was possible. 

It was, at 2:34pm my grandfather passed away. Almost exactly 12 hours apart these two men that had never met but whom I loved so dearly died. God doesn’t always do things that make sense but He does everything for a reason. I believe He wanted them to die on the same day so they could do this thing “together” in a sense. I know it has brought a gigantic amount of comfort to me thinking these two amazing men are together, sharing stories, and loving all their family up in Heaven. Both of these men impacted the world and so many people in many many ways. I pray to live by the examples they have set, to love selflessly and never set your “family” limits by your bloodline. 

God is faithful to His children and He truly hears every single prayer we have. Even those that seem far fetched or imposible are possible for the lord. 
Please pray for both my biological family and my Peruvian family as we adjust and grieve the loss of these two great men.  
As they were going along the road, someone said to Him, “I will follow You wherever You go.” And Jesus said to him, “The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” And He said to another, “Follow Me.” But he said, “Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father.” But He said to him, “Allow the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God.” Another also said, “I will follow You, Lord; but first permit me to say good-bye to those at home.” But Jesus said to him, “No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:57-62

I love you papaw! Te quiero abuelito! 

Jeremiah 29:11

Hello my favorites!

I am so sorry that I have been such a horrible communicator!! How is Spring treating you? I hope God is blessing your weather like He has been ours here in Virginia.  Yep, I am still in Virginia.  God keeps changing things and is REALLY helping me grow in patients and acceptance.  As I have shared in my previous blogs and to those of you that know me I am a total planner!!!!! You would think that by this point in life I would learn to stop planning; but, I haven’t.

There is nothing wrong with having a plan but always remembering to leave room for God to do what He wants with that plan.  Unfortunately in the american culture to not have a plan, whether is be for next week or for the next 5 years is a huge issue! This has been my issue since I graduated from high school. I needed to go to college, I needed to make money, I needed to get a good job etc..etc.. Again, not that there is anything wrong with doing these things but that is not what every single person is meant to do. God created each and everyone of us in His likeness and in His image. But, He did not create a world where everyone was Jason Evert, or Bill Gates, or Randi. He has a different path for each and everyone of us. A path that doesn’t have to look the same as your mom or your brother or your best friend.  Maybe all of you know that and I am just slow to this knowledge but this is something that has been hard for to fully understand and accept.

This is when I graduated from high school 4 years ago and thought I had the rest of my life planned out

God has been helping me accept the plan that He has for me! The special plan that is mine, all mine!!! It has looked nothing like what I had planned. When I graduated high school I thought I would be planning my graduation and my wedding about now, not sitting at home sick having no idea what tomorrow would look like.  Little by little God is revealing what He has next, but every time I think I know what’s to come He changes things up. This has been a huge BLESSING! I have had to totally rid myself, of myself and fully give myself over to Christ.  I have a disease that will change my life for as long as God wills. (I believe He will heal me one day )

I have just recently discerned if God wants me to enter back into the mission field and He has made it clear that HE DOES! For a week or a year? I have no idea! All that I feel God has made clear is that He will lead me there when the time is right! As of now, I feel He wants me to head back to Peru at the end of June/beginning of July. I still have some healing I need to try and gain here in the states so that I can better serve the Lords people in Peru. In the mean time I will be going to Big Woods in Louisiana and help the AWESOME state side missionaries that make Family Missions Company possible!

  Sweet, sweet Peruvians

Maybe is seems careless or ridiculous to be living my life the way that I am, with no plan and no expectations. All I know is that I have tried the planning and expectations and have found a lot less joy then when I have surrendered myself to the Lord and all that He has in store for me!!

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

If you have any further questions or need any prayers please feel free to contact me! I love you all and appreciate all that prayers!! Know that you are constantly in mine as well!!

In JESUS,

Randi

Being a missionary everywhere

Three cheers for Gods plans!!

It seems I am a huge planner, and no matter how often God shows me my plans aren’t His I continue to plan.  
I am still in good ol America. Trying to be patient with God and His plan.

This past year in missions I struggled a lot physically with my stomach and digestion. As soon as I arrived in Virginia I began getting tests done to figure out what was going on. I have received some answers (food allergies and an autoimmune disease)… but the doctors are still looking and crossing things out…due to this plan of God I haven’t been able to return to Peru and I am not sure when exactly I will. It makes me sad to not be with the people in Peru I love so deeply but it has been a blessing to be in the states as long as I have. 

It’s been a huge eye opener for me. It’s helped me to truly value the medical professionals we have here in America. I have been blessed in getting to see places in my very own community where God needs missionaries. I’ve had the opportunity to serve weekly in our food pantry, getting to feed those that can’t afford food for their families. I have even been able to practice speaking Spanish there (: helping out with ministries at my own parish, sharing about missions. I’ve gotten to help disabled friends with work and accompanied sick friends to the doctor. I’ve also been able to visit the sick with one of my priests and bring them Jesus. 
As much as my heart desires to be in Peru, serving my loved ones, God has truly showed me how to love and serve those anywhere you are. He’s asked me to be patient with His timing and trusting in His plan. 

Thank you to all who have been praying for my health, it’s been a time of adjustment in many ways but God is pouring out His strength on me. Please continue to pray for the people of Peru and for my wonderful team there. They are in desperate need of prayers right now! And know as always, you’re constantly in my thoughts and prayers! Love you all!